Thoughts on Becoming a Dance Mom

So . . . I’m a dance mom. Funny right? Not like the show Dance Moms luckily. I would die. And Addison would not be allowed to do dance. Still, I feel out of place. I guess maybe I’m not the dance mom type. Oh well, Addison loves to dance so I guess I’ll deal with it. There are worse things.

Our first year went well. We did “Mini Company” this year. It’s like the lite version of Company. We went to 2 competitions but we didn’t travel. Addison went to dance 3 times per week. And loved every minute of it. But she wants more of course. So I guess next year we’ll be doing full Company and travelling. And drinking (me not Addison).
Here are some pictures of my dancer girl from our first season:
And her dance friends. These girls crack me up!
And some pictures from our awards ceremony (Addison got 2 awards!) and recital (not in costumes):
Some thoughts on being a dance mom:
Dance Carpoool: Dance carpool saved my life this year (and last year too). I enjoy driving the dance carpool too when it’s my turn. I get to hear the 10 year old drama. Good stuff. Like who has boyfriends (not my daughter), who got arrested for “illegal drinking” (whatever that is), and who is in a fight with whom that day.
Makeup for 10 Year Olds: Makeup for 10 year olds is difficult. There’s a fine line between the smoky eye look they want (eyeliner and mascara included) and the prostitute look. I’ve gotten pretty good at it. And I’m pretty proud of myself. See the makeup in the pictures?! I did that! Addison really likes wearing makeup, especially the smoky eye makeup. I’ll have to make sure she doesn’t try to do this herself. I highly suspect she’ll cross that line and end up looking like a prostitute.
Fishnets for Children: Fishnets for 10 year olds. Also weird. Addison ripped hers so guess who got to put them on her? Oh yeah, me. Good news about fishnets – Addison does not like them. This is especially good news considering the potential for prostitute makeup.
Dance Moms: Some dance moms are crazy. Like legitimately, need meds crazy. My dance mom friends aren’t in this group (that I know of). My dance mom friend is going to get me in trouble though. We may have almost gotten kicked out of the recital. More than once.
Dance Competitions: Dance competitions are an all day event (all weekend I think in my future). They should serve grown up drinks at dance competitions and recitals.

Dance Costumes: Addison loved one and hated one of her costumes this year. The one she loved – the one that showed her belly of course. So far we require that she always wear a shirt. Also, I’ve heard that dance moms have to bedazzle costumes. I really hope no one ever asks me to bedazzle anything. Not my thing.

Booty Shorts and Other Dance Clothes: When Addison started dance I told her not to refer to her dance shorts as “booty shorts” because dad won’t like that. Well if I’m being honest they’re booty shorts, the shorter the better apparently. Weird also for a 10 year old. But I do remember wearing the shortest shorts I could find when I played volleyball so I get it.

So I guess a version of my future self may end up being a dance mom. Like a real-life legit dance mom. If you see me acting all crazy, taking an hour to put makeup on my child, or engaging in other strange unfortunate dance mom behaviors, please let me know to cut that sh*t out. But I will be a dance mom as long as Addison wants to do dance I guess. She really does love it more than anything.

Confessions of a Triplet Mom

Almost once a day someone asks me how we do it. “It” being raising triplets. The short answer is “we just do it.” The long answer includes lots of mistakes and mishaps. And lots of coffee.

So here’s how we do it. Full disclosure. If you know me in person you probably won’t be surprised by most of these because, well, I’m kinda a mess.

I still do all the things I’ve always done, like trip over my own feet, run into walls, etc. I just do those things more often now.

I live on coffee.
Sometimes I forget that I live on coffee so I forget to drink my coffee and it gets cold. Then I microwave my coffee (I know kinda gross). Then I forget that I microwaved my coffee so an hour later I microwave it again (I know even grosser).

Speaking of forgetting things, one day I forgot to put on my bra. And I had court that day. I was able to keep my jacket on all day and my secret was safe (except I told everyone because . . . full disclosure and it was too funny not to share). But I was able to hide the fact that I FORGOT TO WEAR A BRA and no one actually saw the evidence! Who does this? I’ve been wearing a bra since I was 11! (And no I definitely did not need one then)!

I probably take way too many pictures of babies. And I probably overshare. But I don’t care. Here’s one of my favorites from today.

I have spit up, drool, baby food, or something of that nature in my hair pretty much every day. I just brush it out, sometimes I restraighten my hair if it’s bad, and I go about my day. If it’s throw up in there I will put it back in a ponytail at some point because I have to draw the line somewhere. I love my kids but throw up is throw up and it smells gross, especially when it’s in your face.
I’ve had throw up into mouth that wasn’t mine. True story. Gross. Thanks James! Good thing he’s cute.
We use bottle props to feed the babies. Except . . . I learned on Friday that Mason and James can hold their own bottles! They’ve been holding out on us! Check this guy out!

Logan does not hold his own bottle. He prefers to play with it, even with the prop.

Swings. This is the only reason we get out the door at a reasonable time in the morning. James’s swing doesn’t even swing anymore but he still just hangs out in it. (I need to call Fisher Price and get this fixed!)

I make food for the babies but not the big people in my house. Good thing Brian can cook. We also eat a lot of Campbell’s soup.

I also wash clothes for the babies way more than I wash clothes for the big people. It’s a problem. One week I think I washed 10 loads of baby clothes and 0 loads of big people clothes.

The babies have to be in ABC order. All the time. (Except their swings, which are in the order they came home). Brian puts them in the van in the wrong order and claims that he doesn’t know the right order. He totally knows. I’m smarter than that.

Brian is in charge of making lunches. Sometimes he makes me a lunch. My favorite part is that he draws pictures on the napkin and sometimes on the bag. And more often than not he draws or writes something wildly inappropriate. This makes my day. It’s the little things. This is why we married each other right?

We sing really inappropriate songs to the babies. And they love it. Kinda like that episode of Friends where Ross sings Baby Got Back. But worse.
Sometimes I hide in the bathroom and just play on my phone.

I fall asleep breastfeeding at least once a week. More when they boys were younger! Sometimes I’m just holding a sleeping baby and playing on my phone.

Speaking of breastfeeding, I’m still at it and Mason and Logan aren’t fans. I hear all these moms who say their babies won’t wean and they’re soooo attached. This is NOT my kids. They think it’s play time. It’s for me really at this point I think. Only a few more weeks until their first bday though so I can’t stop now!

Most of my undershirts have holes cut out from when I was pumping because who has time to stop everything and hold the pump? Not me. Hands free all they way. I even pumped while driving. Unfortunately now I’m left with holey undershirts. I was wearing one of said undershirts on the day I forgot my bra. Yep. Just when you thought the forgotten bra story couldn’t get better, it totally gets better.

The boys have a set of baby keys that look like penises. So we don’t let them play with those.
I still check to make sure the babies are alive every night before I go to bed. Even Logan, who is still hooked up to the pulse ox monitor so he’s obviously still alive. Brian also does this. Sometimes right before me. But I still have to check for myself.

I sort of like the pulse ox monitor. Crazy I know! But see the point above. It helps me know he’s alive.

We use our vacuum cleaner more to suck boogers than to clean floors. I’m not kidding. The tool part of our vacuum broke and Brian lasted about 1.5 days before he bought a new one. (See below for evidence). The actual floor vacuum part of the old one still works.

I secretly like my van. I don’t feel particularly cool driving it, but it’s pretty awesome. And it’s the Mann Van so that’s pretty cool.
Sometimes I only take a shower every other day. And shaving? Ha! Summer is coming though so this will change! I did cut AND paint my toenails the other day though. #winning? I think so.
I don’t brush Mason’s hair sometimes just so it will stick straight up. Brian pretty much refuses to brush it at all times.
I call James Jamesipoo. Brian calls him Lebron. It’s a fun game we play. No one else is allowed to give my kids nicknames.

Logan has bitchy resting face. It’s hilarious. He probably got that from me. He’s really sweet I promise! (I’m a lost cause though). He’s also a pro at duck lips. Also hilarious.

I also have bitchy resting face. But I’m really kinda mean. Just not always when my face says so. I’m the nicest of my siblings but that means nothing.

I eat a disgusting amount of candy. My faves – lemonheads, lindor truffles (chocolate balls), and well anything chocolate. To help with this problem I gave up candy for Lent. Huge fail. I replaced candy with Oreos. Delicious Oreos. Now I eat both candy AND Oreos in excess. Oreos always in sets of 4 (I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m a mess). I have clearly failed at my New Years resolution to not be fat on the inside. (I’ve failed at all of my other resolutions too).
Brian might be a better triplet mom than me.
Sometimes I just want to go to Target. Target makes me happy. And Target has coffee.

 

I compare myself to others moms. Moms of triplets, twins and singletons (just 1 baby). I know everyone says don’t do this, but I do anyway. And it usually makes me feel better about myself! You should try it sometime. Start off with a low bar if you’re scared.

And last but definitely not least . . . I take lots of selfies for my own enjoyment. And I’m not kidding when I say a lot. Probably enough to put any preteen to shame. But unlike preteens I don’t post them on Facebook or Instagram (usually). I just send them to Brian and a few select friends. But today I’ll make an exception. Here are a few for your enjoyment.

Yay! Selfie time!
Duck lips selfie – Logan’s duck lips are better!
Yikes selfie!
Mason likes selfies too
James refused to look for this one
Of course this one LOVES selfies

And the best selfie ever:

Brian for real sent me this new vacuum cleaner selfie
So now you know how we do it. We make mistakes, we forget basic things, and we just do it. And laugh at ourselves. That’s the only way I think.